she’s so cuuuuuuute
i searched up ‘hurdlers without hurdles’ on google and i dont regret it
these boots are made for walkin
I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they
She got hit by a motherfucking bus and was bedridden for months but she didn’t let it get her down, she had an easel set up at just the right angle so that she could still paint in her hospital bed. And when her shitstain of a husband cheated on her with her own sister, Cristina, she took on her own female lover. VIVA LA FRIDA!
i have arrived
This morning be like..
I have this weird theory that some people are drawn to each other because their atoms were near each other when the universe was created and over time the same atoms keep coming back together
DID YOU JUST SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAIN SOUL MATES?!
It’s too early to be thinking about this shit
Bo Burnham speaking the truth
I’m hiding naked in my closet because there are mattress delivery men in my bedroom and no one thought to tell me so I was just doing my naked thing after my shower and then I was very unceremoniously shoved into my closet and I don’t know how long I have to be here I don’t have snacks or anything
update: I found a chocolate bar on my shelf but also my phone battery is at 20% I feel like bear grylls
don’t you have clothes in your closet
being a girl is really fucking expensive
hahahahhhAHAHAHAHhahahahahhahahah WHO IS PAYING FOR YOUR DATES
hahahahhhAHAHAHAHhahahahahhahahah WHO IS PAYING FOR OUR TAMPONS, PADS, ULTRA SOUNDS, PAP SMEARS, OB/GYN VISITS, BRAS, CLOTHES, MAKE UP, HAIR PRODUCTS TO GO ON DATES WITH FUCKERS LIKE YOU?
HOW COME WHEN HARRY GETS BITTEN BY THE BASILISK IN CHAMBER OF SECRETS THAT DOESNT DESTROY THE HORCRUX IN HIM SOMEONE ANSWER THIS???
Can we get JKR on the phone ?
yes let me just pull out her number real quick hang on yes hello 911 can i speak to jkr pls
Something I realised, after having to help many international tourists count out their change, is that American coins don’t actually have the number value on them??? Like no wonder all these poor tourists are so confused
it just fucking says one “dime”
what the fuck is a dime
how much is it worth
whose idea was this
oh my god i never even realized that what the hell we all just sort of know what they’re worth through some sixth sense bullshit
Freeing the slave was nice, but wouldn’t be that huge of a thing.
Smashing the cups, though? I’m just imagining that Augustus was just walking along one day and saw the slave-owner trying to kill his slave, so he just goes over, tells the slave ‘yo, you’re free’, and then, never breaking his gaze from the slaveowner, casually sweeps all the other cups off the shelf too.
It’s just such a wonderful little ‘fuck you’.
Think about it though…this is a man saying “see how much control I can do over the little things in your life.” It sounds kind of ridicculous until you picture him just breaking all the man’s cups or ordering it to be done. He never breaks eye contact with the man. As it goes on it becomes impeccably clear…smashing the cups is the only thing keeping the Caesar from breaking the man